How Did I Not Know?

Mother's Day - May 13, 2018

Maybe I was just naïve. Or maybe, just totally unaware. I was in my thirties, attending college at the University of South Florida and working on a degree in Social Science. One of the classes I was enrolled in that semester was about children and families – and parenting skills. I had this revelation: 
Not everyone in the world has a mother like ours. How did I not know that???

It was during these studies that I came to the realization that highly skilled mothers are not born that way. They are taught. More accurately, mothering skills must be modeled by mothers of every species, including humans.

I’m not quite sure how Granny Thomas, my mother’s mom, learned her mothering skills because her mother died when she was seven years old. She must have had some amazing women in her life, because she was first and foremost, a Bible student, a praying mom, a wonderful cook, hostess, seamstress, homemaker, accountant – and she was a quintessential lady who was always beautifully dressed. No one ever walked into Granny and Grandaddy’s Thomas’ home without being offered a cup of coffee or glass of tea. My mom and all her sisters all offered that same kind of spontaneous hospitality, so I assumed everyone did.

Our parents taught us not to judge others by anything but their behavior and character. The worth of a person is not determined by how they speak, how they dress, where they live or what they drive. On the other hand, the rest of the world does judge us based on those things. That’s a difficult lesson to teach your children.

When I insisted that our boys leave the house dressed neatly in clothes that were clean and matched, Mark would say, “You shouldn’t judge people based on how they look or what they wear!” And I would agree, “No, you should not. But that is how other people will judge you and you are not going out dressed like that!”

My brothers and sisters and I all went to public schools and thanks to the many wonderful teachers we had, and the example of our parents, learned to speak the King’s English properly. It’s unfair to judge people by their accent or grammar, but people do. And, it is a great gift to be able communicate effectively. It’s important. Remember, My Fair Lady?

Mom taught us how to shop for bargains, whether it was a sale or a second hand store. We still do that. I feel so smart when I find a brand new sofa, a piece of well-made old furniture, or an expensive used jacket at Good Will or consignment shop.

I’ve never actually built a house, but my brothers and sisters all can and have. They learned how to do that from my mom and dad. Mom taught my sisters and me how to sew, arrange flowers, cook, bake, decorate a home (some of us are better at this than others . . . . ) write and set a table like we are the mistresses of Downton Abbey! It’s a dying art. Do you know how many young people don’t know how to set a table properly????

My mom is an incredible woman. She taught us – and modeled for us all of those things. When we had our own babies, we knew how to hold a baby, change a baby, bathe a baby and dress a baby.  As she had done for us, we read to our children, prayed with our children, encouraged our children and corrected our children. I can’t think of a child who has failed to recognize the tone in the voices of my brothers or sisters when they have been instructed or corrected by them. When a new mom asked, “How did you do that?”, the answer is: they know. Children intuitively know if you have the authority to back up your instruction or correction.

All those skills I had taken for granted we learned from Mom. Actually, she’s a mother figure to many. Besides all the gifts and skills, she has a huge heart. She keeps lists of pastors and others for whom she cares or has heard they are struggling and need prayer. She used to send cards and notes of encouragement. She still makes phone calls to her brother and sisters and nieces and nephews to make sure they are doing well or share an encouraging word. I am so very thankful for all that she has modeled for us as a mother, but it is actually seeing her in her role as a daughter that has been the greatest influence on all our lives. She is a daughter of God. Because of her, that is my first definition of myself:  God’s beloved daughter. 

The greatest example Mom has been to all of us is in seeing the intimacy of her relationship with her Abba Father. We have the privilege of being able to talk with him anytime. We can be in His presence constantly. Mom loves the Word of God because it is there she learns to know Him better. I wish there were a better way to express how she loves reading and studying the Bible. And the greatest gift that she has given all five of her children is her passion for the Word of God, made flesh, who dwells among us.

My brother, Tim, before the days of easy access to computers, would diligently arise every morning and study his Bible. He would pull out commentaries and Bible dictionaries and threaten my life if I tried to organize or straighten his kitchen table. He wanted to come back to exactly where he had left off in his studies. He sang and worshipped the Lord at the top of his lungs, with all of his heart. We heard his voice, singing with the congregation, for months after he died.

Tom, the middle child J - writes loves songs to the Lord, ballads about Bible stories, he is one of the best expositors of scripture I’ve ever heard. Tom studies scripture one word at a time. (Note to new believers:  He also preaches for a long time  . . . ) Somehow, the Holy Spirit imparts Tom’s passion for the Word of God to those he teaches. He told us about an experience he had while studying a particular passage. He became so entranced by the beauty of God’s Word, he just laid his Bible over his face to try and breathe in the life-giving Word. I love that story. 

My sister, Lesa, studies, sings, leads worship, disciples young people and creates beautiful visual images of scripture that we all steal and post on Facebook. Because of the joy she experiences in her journey with the Lord, she began a ministry to women called “Becoming” based on II Corinthians 3:18, “But we Christians have no veil over our faces; we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him.”

Beth, the youngest, teaches the Bible, sings in the choir and on the worship team and takes in stray anything – dogs, cats, deer, roosters – and people, who have no home. But her greatest gift is singing and praying the presence of the Lord into a room where someone is confused, lost, hurting and feeling hopeless.

All these immeasurable, invaluable gifts we have been given by our mother. I have no idea why we are so blessed as to have been given Lessie Thomas Sterbens for a mother. I don’t have the words to thank you enough, Mom, for all you have given us, all you have done for us, all you have taught us. I love you, Mom.